Tommy Nelson: A Continued Pursuit in Love

Solomon did not at first respond to his wife’s rejection in an angry way. He persisted in expressing his desire. At first he only called to her. She heard his voice. Then even after she had rejected him verbally, he reached out for her. His behavior did not mirror hers. He continued to pursue her in love.

Refuse to overreact or to react too quickly to what another person does or says. One person said to me, “My mother had a phrase, ‘let the river roll on for a while.’ We lived near a river, and I knew precisely what she meant. Some things are best left to float right on by because they are issues that are too little to warrant a fight.” You might have heard it said, “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” Same principle. Continue to pursue your relationship and your spouse with love. Don’t make big issues out of little ones. Proverbs 12:16 tells us, “A fool’s wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame.”

My Question For You: Do you react like Solomon did when you are rejected?

My Challenge For You: Can you react to your spouse in a way that “let’s the river roll on for a while” and then follow on in love?

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here

By |February 24th, 2010|Conflict, Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Weekly Devos|0 Comments

Be Sensitive to Arising Conflict

A number of people who have heard me teach on the Song of Solomon have asked me, “But how can I tell if my spouse is upset over something I’ve done?  My spouse doesn’t seem to give me any clue that I’ve stepped on her toes or tripped her up.”  Every person has different means of communicating and sending signals.  It may take you a little time to determine when you have overstepped the boundaries of what your mate considers to be appropriate or good behavior.  My wife’s foremost clue to me is a little look that she gives me in which she communicates volumes.  I’m more verbal.  I sigh very deeply and loudly enough for her to hear me.

They are clues we give to each other to say, “Let’s each take stock of what has just happened here.”  Ideally we’ll replay in our minds what has happened, draw some conclusions, and come together at a later time for a rational, unheated discussion.

What fuels a conflict rather than defuses it is the attitude, “I’m walking away from you until you get your act together and are repentant.”  A cooling-off period is not the same as assuming a cold, unresponsive, punishing attitude.  A cooling-off period does not need to be precipitated by a loud stomping off or the tossing of a final barb over one’s shoulder.

My Question For You: Have you figured out your mate’s “signal” of when you have overstepped the boundaries of what they think is good behavior?

My Challenge For You: When you see this signal from your mate, be willing to think about what has just happened and come back at an appropriate time to discuss the situation.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

By |February 17th, 2010|Song of Solomon, Weekly Devos|0 Comments

Tommy Nelson – SOS – Sharing your Feelings During Conflict

Last week we left our discussion with being slow to anger and not reacting like the person who has hurt you so that you resolve your conflict.  Maybe you are saying, “But you said previously, Tommy, that I should not stifle my feelings and that I should express them freely in my marriage.”  That’s absolutely correct, but how and when you express your feelings, and with what underlying motive and attitude, are very important.

Express yourself, yes, but wait until your emotional temperature has cooled.  Be proactive and intentional, not reactive and instinctual, in expressing your feelings.  Wait until the one who has hurt you also has cooled off or is in a good frame of mind to hear what you have to say.  Every person I know can do a better job of keeping a cool head and choosing at all times to respond as Christ would respond.  It’s tough to do, but it’s what we as Christians are called and challenged by God to do.

I know people who have grown up in homes where passive-aggressive behavior was the norm.  That’s behavior in which a person is warm and loving one minute, and the next minute, the person is ice cold or hateful.

Such behavior does not need to occur.  Conflict can be resolved at this very first stage if one of the persons in the relationship will be mature enough to sit back, analyze and pray about the situation, and make a measured response that is loving, kind, and aimed at a greater positive in the future.

My Question For You: When you are responding to your mate during a time of conflict, is it in the heat of the moment, or do you take time to cool off and think about your response?

My Challenge For You: Are you willing to act as God wants you to during times of conflict by showing love, kindness, and seeking to positive resolution?

You can rent or buy the Song of Solomon and other Bible Studies by Tommy Nelson, Mark Driscoll, and Matt Chandler and watch them online starting as low as $4.99 per session.

By |February 10th, 2010|Conflict, Weekly Devos|1 Comment

Tommy Nelson – Song of Solomon – Conflict Series Part IX

Conflict Series (Part 9): Resolution to Both Parties Feel Harmed

At the end of December, we were discussing how both Solomon and his bride were feeling wronged by a conflict they were having. This is the time when a conflict can most easily be resolved.

How? You can determine that you do not need to react as your mate has reacted. If your mate has hurt you, you do not need to hurt your mate. Whatever your mate has done to you, you do not need to respond in kind. The apostle Paul stated it this way: “See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.” (I Thess. 5:15)

You do not have to reciprocate or mirror what others do to you or say about you. Your mother probably taught this principle to you in the way my mother taught me: “Two wrongs do not make a right.”

Your response is subject to your will. You do not need to be hateful, angry, or cruel to a person who hurts you. You can respond with the love and patience of the Spirit of God rather than the revengeful and impatient spirit of man.

Strife begins at the point when you allow yourself to have hurt feelings and then you choose to nurse that hurt and wallow in it. Proverbs speaks often on this subject:

A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention. (Proverbs 15:18)

More next week on how to work through conflict.

My Question For You:

Is your first response when you are hurt to try and hurt your spouse back or do you respond with love and patience?

My Challenge For You:

Consider the wisdom from Proverbs above and be slow to anger – it will be to your benefit.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

By |February 3rd, 2010|Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Tommy Nelson, Weekly Devos|1 Comment

My Top 10 Reasons for Philippians

Last year I was invited by The Hub ( to pick a book of the Bible and teach it via video for small groups. I wrestled quite a bit and landed on the book of Philippians.

Here are the 10 reasons I wanted to teach the book of Philippians:

1. How the church began. Acts 16: Lydia is a wealthy Asian (Thyatira); the slave girl is an oppressed Greek, and the jailer was a middle class Roman. All were transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the diversity of that cast.

2. The book teaches that the gospel advances regardless of circumstance (Phil. 1:12-18). In an age where it is not uncommon to hear that you can put God into your debt by behaving, I thought this was extremely important.

3. Paul’s cry “To live is Christ and die is gain!” How could he not say that! Lydia was wealthy, religious, and empty; the slave girl was bitter, oppressed, and angry; and the Roman jailer was indifferent and cruel. All were lost in their lives. What else would you live for?

4. The book clearly teaches humility in the life of a believer. We can’t hear that topic enough (Philippians 2).

5. Paul ferociously outlines the reasons to pursue Christ (Phil. 3:1-11).

6. Then, he follows it up by teaching how to pursue Christ (Phil. 3:12-21).

7. Chapter 4 talks about what the heart and mind of a man of God look like. This is invaluable information as there seems to be some confusion on this matter.

8. Contentment is a gift more precious than jewels (Phil. 4:10-19).

9. It gave me a chance to remind everyone that Philippians 4:13 isn’t about playing sports, making the team, or being successful in business.

10. Because if I can help us be “the lights of this world holding fast to the word of life” I would humbly and gladly spend my life doing so.

Want to watch the Philippians Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

By |January 27th, 2010|Matt Chandler, Weekly Devos|0 Comments

Haiti, How Can I Help?

Words don’t express the pain that humans, created by God, are experiencing in Haiti. And, now a second earthquake. I am not angry at God, but I can’t say I understand these times either. Some people say, Jesus, come back now.

I think yes, but then I think of those who don’t know Him yet, and as Tommy Nelson once said, “Aren’t all Christians grateful that Christ did not come back the day before we were saved?”

It is hard to comprehend all of this tragedy. Mark Driscoll travels there and witnesses a teenage boy being shot and killed. My 13 year old daughter is trying to process all this at dinner time last night and she cried for people she has never met. “God, I believe, help my unbelief” is what Christ said through the Apostle Paul.

So, this begs the response, what should I do? What can you do? Generally it comes down to a few basic things:

  • Pray.
  • Go.
  • Give money.

At The Hub, 20% of all online sales through February 1, 2010 will be donated to Haiti.  All monies will be donated to To whom much is given, much is required.

God is with Haiti, and their people, even when we don’t understand.

Doug Hudson

By |January 20th, 2010|Mark Driscoll, Tuesday's with Doug, Weekly Devos|0 Comments

Matt Chandler – Philippians: The Worthy Life

Employment evaluation with a supervisor is no one’s favorite. It is difficult to sit down toe-to-toe with him or her and hear whether or not you have measured up to expectations. It is easier to simply assume everything is OK, focus on your personal strengths, and never have anyone point out your blind spots.

It is easier, but it is not best.

Every so often it is helpful as an employee to evaluate if you are worth what they are paying you. It is healthy and appropriate to determine: are you worth it? Are you worthy of the paycheck you are receiving? Are the actions and results you produce in your daily job, worth what you are being paid?

If we would be doing that for something as silly and temporary as a job, why wouldn’t we do that with our faith? It should be a wonderful checkup for us to evaluate our lives, examine our hearts and see if we are living a life worthy of the gospel.

Are we?

Want the whole teaching series on Philippians for your next group study?  You can either it buy it on DVD or rent/buy one session at a time with our exclusive digital delivery service. Click Here to Learn More.  This topic is featured in Session 2 of Philippians.

By |January 13th, 2010|Hub Thots, Matt Chandler, Weekly Devos|3 Comments

Tommy Nelson: Are you Pressing for a Victory or Resolution?


Back in the early 1980s, my wife, Teresa, and I were in Oklahoma City where I had been invited to conduct a wedding ceremony. The morning after the wedding, I went out for a jog. It was hot and humid, and by the time I finished my run, my t-shirt was soaked with sweat. I came back into our motel room, stripped off my t-shirt, and threw it in a nearby paper bag—which is obviously where I thought such a garment ought to go. My wife reacted instantly without thinking.

She whopped me with her hand on across the middle of my back and said, “Don’t do that!” Bam! I was stunned by her reaction and just as quickly turned and said sharply, “Cut that out!” My harsh words caused tears to well up in her eyes immediately. I felt wronged, and she felt wronged by being yelled at. I didn’t know that she had put a new dress that she was sewing into that paper bag, and she didn’t know that I didn’t know that I didn’t know.

And there we were, just hours after my performing a ceremony of holy matrimony, getting into our car and driving toward Texarkana in angry silence. We drove five hours without a word between us, and then neither of us could stand the silence any longer. We began to communicate about what had really happened and why each had felt wronged. By the time we finally arrived at our destination, we had forgiven each other and were ready to kiss and make up.

All couples fight. Good couples fight clean. Bad couples fight dirty.

Good marital conflict leads to resolution and greater closeness. Bad marital conflict presses for victory, which leads to alienation and the potential for revenge.

Stayed tuned over the next several weeks as we discuss conflict and how to resolve it within your relationship

My Question For You:

What kind of conflict do you have in your relationship? Do you fight clean or dirty?

My Challenge For You:

The next time conflict arises in your relationship, think about whether you are pressing for a victory or for resolution.

By |November 4th, 2009|Conflict, Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Weekly Devos|2 Comments