A Continued Pursuit in Love (continued)

A Continued Pursuit in Love

Continuing from last weeks thoughts, how do they square with my earlier advice that you not let certain things build up inside you until you feel an explosion coming on? Very easily. It is up to you to give weight to a situation or circumstance that you perceive to be a conflict. Some things are not worthy of emotional battles or open conflict. Other things that should be addressed need to be addressed in the right time and place, with the right attitude and goal. It is up to you to decide what really matters. Choose your areas for discussion and conflict resolution wisely.

Maintain your poise and composure when you feel hurt, rejected, or maligned by someone. Choose to take control over your attitude and to control the subsequent discussion of the issue with a tone of quietness and positive communication.

My Question For You: Do you keep your composure when you are wronged by someone or do you react without thinking?

My Challenge For You: Consider your attitude the next time you are in a situation that can turn into a conflict and try to determine if it is really worth it.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Tommy Nelson: A Continued Pursuit in Love

Solomon did not at first respond to his wife’s rejection in an angry way. He persisted in expressing his desire. At first he only called to her. She heard his voice. Then even after she had rejected him verbally, he reached out for her. His behavior did not mirror hers. He continued to pursue her in love.

Refuse to overreact or to react too quickly to what another person does or says. One person said to me, “My mother had a phrase, ‘let the river roll on for a while.’ We lived near a river, and I knew precisely what she meant. Some things are best left to float right on by because they are issues that are too little to warrant a fight.” You might have heard it said, “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” Same principle. Continue to pursue your relationship and your spouse with love. Don’t make big issues out of little ones. Proverbs 12:16 tells us, “A fool’s wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame.”

My Question For You: Do you react like Solomon did when you are rejected?

My Challenge For You: Can you react to your spouse in a way that “let’s the river roll on for a while” and then follow on in love?

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here

By |February 24th, 2010|Conflict, Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Weekly Devos|0 Comments

Be Sensitive to Arising Conflict

A number of people who have heard me teach on the Song of Solomon have asked me, “But how can I tell if my spouse is upset over something I’ve done?  My spouse doesn’t seem to give me any clue that I’ve stepped on her toes or tripped her up.”  Every person has different means of communicating and sending signals.  It may take you a little time to determine when you have overstepped the boundaries of what your mate considers to be appropriate or good behavior.  My wife’s foremost clue to me is a little look that she gives me in which she communicates volumes.  I’m more verbal.  I sigh very deeply and loudly enough for her to hear me.

They are clues we give to each other to say, “Let’s each take stock of what has just happened here.”  Ideally we’ll replay in our minds what has happened, draw some conclusions, and come together at a later time for a rational, unheated discussion.

What fuels a conflict rather than defuses it is the attitude, “I’m walking away from you until you get your act together and are repentant.”  A cooling-off period is not the same as assuming a cold, unresponsive, punishing attitude.  A cooling-off period does not need to be precipitated by a loud stomping off or the tossing of a final barb over one’s shoulder.

My Question For You: Have you figured out your mate’s “signal” of when you have overstepped the boundaries of what they think is good behavior?

My Challenge For You: When you see this signal from your mate, be willing to think about what has just happened and come back at an appropriate time to discuss the situation.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

By |February 17th, 2010|Song of Solomon, Weekly Devos|0 Comments

God's Love in The City of Angels

On Valentine’s Day in LA  there were two premieres: The Valentine’s Day movie and Truth According to God on Love, Sex, and Marriage. In downtown LA on Broadway, the heart of culture influencing media, the gospel of Jesus Christ and His design for romantic relationships was communicated.

Pastor Mark Driscoll shared from the Bible, his heart, and his experience as a pastor on how God is the creator of our bodies and souls and just how messed up our lives can get when we try and figure out sex and marriage on our own.  If we base our lives on the world’s advice, or anything other than Christ and His Word, true fulfillment in relationships and sex will never be ours.  Sex is good, not gross. Sex is pure in the sight of God and encouraged by his very direct words in Song of Solomon: “Drink friends and imbibe deeply.”

Marriage between one woman and one man is greatness, and it takes a lot of work.  A poignant quote from Pastor Mark to the women: “Single ladies, if he will not work to get you, what makes you think he will work to keep you?”

Most men want the ladies to do all the work, or perhaps the man is willing to work to get her, but then he says, “I got her, now it is back to my career.”

The underlying theme throughout the day can be summed up in these two lines: God is the author and creator of life, sexuality and marriage, not the world, so stop looking to others who are just as flawed as we are.

Secondly, in marriage, be a Servant Lover.  Marriage is based upon unselfishness.  Therefore, in sexuality, in money, in raising kids, in all areas, be a servant.  If you will by God’s strength and power set out to be a servant lover, chances are you will be just as fulfilled as your spouse who you have been faithfully loving and serving.

God is with you in your situation no matter what the cirucumstances look like at this very moment.  There is hope and there is redemption for Los Angeles  and the world.

By |February 17th, 2010|Hub Thots, Live Events, Mark Driscoll, Song of Solomon|2 Comments

Tommy Nelson – Song of Solomon – Conflict Series Part IX

Conflict Series (Part 9): Resolution to Both Parties Feel Harmed

At the end of December, we were discussing how both Solomon and his bride were feeling wronged by a conflict they were having. This is the time when a conflict can most easily be resolved.

How? You can determine that you do not need to react as your mate has reacted. If your mate has hurt you, you do not need to hurt your mate. Whatever your mate has done to you, you do not need to respond in kind. The apostle Paul stated it this way: “See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.” (I Thess. 5:15)

You do not have to reciprocate or mirror what others do to you or say about you. Your mother probably taught this principle to you in the way my mother taught me: “Two wrongs do not make a right.”

Your response is subject to your will. You do not need to be hateful, angry, or cruel to a person who hurts you. You can respond with the love and patience of the Spirit of God rather than the revengeful and impatient spirit of man.

Strife begins at the point when you allow yourself to have hurt feelings and then you choose to nurse that hurt and wallow in it. Proverbs speaks often on this subject:

A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention. (Proverbs 15:18)

More next week on how to work through conflict.

My Question For You:

Is your first response when you are hurt to try and hurt your spouse back or do you respond with love and patience?

My Challenge For You:

Consider the wisdom from Proverbs above and be slow to anger – it will be to your benefit.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

By |February 3rd, 2010|Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Tommy Nelson, Weekly Devos|1 Comment

A Full House: A Recap of SOS Conference St. Paul Minnesota

Minneapolis/St. Paul, you sure know how to heat up your city. When we arrived that night it was a low of -6. Of course, just another day in the neighborhood for you guys. Brrr!

How tough are you? Outside my hotel there was an OUTDOOR concert, a band playing 80’s cover tunes, in that weather. Now, I can tell you that the crowd wasn’t quite Woodstock like, but still, that is what I call hard-core and committed to fun.

On Saturday at the St. Paul River Centre, over 2,000 people came to hear Pastor Mark Driscoll teach about love, marriage, dating and sex. As Mark stated…”in a place where you spend a lot of time indoors, if you are married, or going to get married someday, this is a ‘life skill’ you better get good at, because you are going to have plenty of time.”

The day was amazing, the stories told by attendees were tough, but filled with hope. Our prayer partners prayed with nearly 50-60 people afterward. It was a great conference, it blessed us and we hope it was a blessing to those that attended.

This comment sums it up best and was left on our site just a couple of days ago:

What Mark said about Engedi at the conference in Minneapolis this week really affected us. We have been in a variety of co-sleeping arrangements with our four kids for almost all of our 7 years of marriage. At times it was necessary for us to get any sleep. We have faced huge trials as a couple, most recently surviving cancer (me), losing a baby, and dealing with a life-threatening – and altering – illness in one of our small children. However, Mark’s teaching was the kick in the pants we needed to change our sleep situation. In two days, we have instituted a new sleeping arrangement and routines for everyone in the house, and we have hope – like Doug promised in one of the opening sessions – that God will use our prayerful decision to bless everyone in the house, our kids included.  Thanks for helping us establish Engedi in our home – we already love it!

By |February 3rd, 2010|Live Events, Mark Driscoll, Song of Solomon|1 Comment

Debt Kills Intimacy

When a marriage is strapped with debt, I can almost bet you that the couple is having less intimacy, joy and sex.  Sex inside marriage takes energy.  Debt kills energy.

The old proverb, “the best things in life are free” is correct, but somehow our pride, and this culture, tells us we need more.  Bigger house-bigger payment.  Newer car-bigger payment. More toys-bigger payment. Private education-bigger payment. I am not saying that any of these in and of themselves is a bad thing, even God said in John 10:10 “…that he came that we might have life to the full”, but I don’t think he meant full of things.   If you are spending more than you earn, then you are beginning the process of setting a noose for your marriage.

Debt and finances are consistently ranked 1, 2, or 3 at the top of reasons for divorce and divorce first hurts you, then it hurts your kids. What we really want and need is not anything more, bigger, newer, more exclusive, more expensive.  What we need is a fun, lively, honest, secure, laughter-filled relationship.

What your kids need is not newer shoes or the latest gadget.  They need mom and dad enjoying each other, not stressed to the max with debt.

I know this falls into that category of easy to say and hard to live, but don’t most things that make life worth living fall into that category?

So, pray and do what it takes to get out of debt.  I guarantee you the ‘intimacy’ will be better and more often.

God is with You.

By |January 26th, 2010|Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Tuesday's with Doug|0 Comments

Listen to Mark Driscoll Interview about Song of Solomon

On Thursday January 14th Mark Driscoll recorded a quick interview with Faith Radio Network. In this interview he discusses Love, Sex and Marriage and his upcoming conference in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Singles, Married and people who are Married with Children and want to learn how to talk to their children about sex should listen to Mark Driscoll’s Song of Solomon message.

“Marriage is for our happiness and our holiness.” – Mark Driscoll

Listen to the message for some great information and at the beginning of the podcast find out how to win a free trip to see Mark Driscoll in Minnesota.

By |January 14th, 2010|Hub Thots, Mark Driscoll, Song of Solomon|0 Comments

Conflict Series Part VIII: Both Parties Feel Harmed (continued)

Two weeks ago we left Solomon knocking at the door of his beloveds and where she was not letting him in.  He persists in his expression of desire and longing for her:

My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh,
My fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the lock. I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone.
(Song 5:6)

By this point, Solomon had felt wronged from his wife’s rebuff.  He didn’t break the door down or demand entrance.  He reached out to her in sincerity and tenderness.  The myrrh that he left on the latch was a symbol of sweetness.  His attitude toward her was tender.

When he got no response, Solomon walked away.  He no doubt felt rejected.  He might very well have said under his breath, “Hey, I’m the king.  I married you.  I’ve loved you.  I was working late tonight, I came to you in a loving manner, and look what I get.  You have rejected me.  I don’t deserve this response.”

Two persons feeling wronged—that’s the first part of any conflict.  If only one person feels wronged and then thinks through the situation and concludes, “Actually I haven’t been all that wronged or hurt,” an argument or disagreement is not likely to occur.  But when both spouses feel that a wrong has been done to them, conflict ensues.

At this stage of feeling wronged a conflict can be most easily resolved.  We’ll discuss this more next week.

Tommy_NelsonMy Question For You: Was Solomon right in feeling rebuffed?  Was his wife also correct in her feelings?  Can both people be equally right in their feelings yet be on opposite sides of the disagreement?

My Challenge For You: When you feel rebuffed or wronged, consider the thoughts and feelings of your spouse to see how they might feel they are being wronged by you.

Miss some of this series? Find all of them here. These conflict devotionals are from the Song of Solomon DVD series by Tommy Nelson. Click here to for more details or to purchase this series.

By |December 30th, 2009|Conflict, Song of Solomon, Tommy Nelson|1 Comment

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