Tuesday's with Doug – Conflict Denied

Starting this week we are going to start responding to your comments and questions on our most recent devotional. The most recent was Conflict Denied and if you missed it or the comments, check it out here.

From Doug Hudson…

Let me first say to Mardy, wow, thanks much for the kind words. Are you sure it was me you were referring to? Your Christmas gift is in the mail:))

But, I also wanted to thank everyone for the great discussion about conflict. One topic that came up yesterday over coffee with a friend about this exact subject. He asked, ‘how do I handle when I have been offended by my wife.’ A very legit and good question.

My repsonse may be not what you are expecting. There are times when we are legitmately offended by our spouse. But, as believers that should be pretty rare in our marriage.

What I see most often, is one of the spouses being too defensive. I first see this mostly in men. You know that fragile male ego joke we have all heard about…well unfortunately I think it is kind of true:(

Many times what we need is a good dose of laughing at ourselves and not taking ourselves too seriously. Many conflicts stem from ‘I feel offended’ so then I react like that and then we spiral into a good ole fashion fight where things are said and hurtful things are brought back up.

So, of course there is real offense. In these cases, approach with kindness, respect but get to the point quickly and concisely. Be direct and kind about each other’s feelings.

But, too many of us, yeah, unfortunately, me included, I just need to relax a bit, laugh at myself when being teased, and not take myself so seriously.

Life is short, God is good, and there is much to do and enjoy for Christ’s sake.

God is with you.

By |November 24th, 2009|Hub Thots, Tuesday's with Doug|1 Comment
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Tommy Nelson – Conflict Denied

Conflict Denied: Conflict Series Part III

Newly married couples need to expect conflict, although I am not advocating that they should look for it.  Picking a fight just for the sake of having a fight is not the goal.  At the same time, a husband or wife should never shy away from conflict in a spirit of denial—either denying oneself full expression of opinions and ideas, or denying that certain situations within the marriage need resolution, repair, or readdressing.  Those who live in denial live in a false peace.

It is far better to get differences of opinion out in the open than to keep them stuffed inside for the sake of perceived peace.  Such peace is going to be fragile.  Feelings of anger and hurt are likely to go underground and build to an explosion point at a later time. Too much pent-up emotion related to any issue can cause a situation to be blown far beyond the proportions warranted by the initial behavior or circumstance.

One person I know said this about his marriage of twenty-five years to a wife he adores: “Neither of us is good at silence.  We vent our feelings frequently.  We are quick to state our opinions and quick to resolve our differences.  We don’t let anything negative brew and build between us.  If we ever let things build up in us over time, we’d likely blow ourselves up in the process of blowing off steam.”

In my opinion, this couple has a very healthy attitude toward conflict.

My Question For You:

Do you express your feelings, opinions and ideas to your mate, even when they are difficult, or do you hold them inside?

My Challenge For You:

Make your relationship a safe place for both you and your mate to discuss your feelings, both good and bad.

Share your thoughts with us here.

Welcome…

To those of you who were recently added to our mailing list we want to say Welcome. Many new additions are from our recent conferences in Austin – Hello Austin!

If you missed the first two devotionals on conflict, read them here:

By |November 18th, 2009|Conflict, Hub Thots|12 Comments
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Not Right Now

The Austin Worth The Wait was an amazing success thanks to God and His Best for love, dating and sex.

With leadership from Jon Moton, Lara Baliff, speakers, Goodie Goodloe and John Wills, this most amazing love story of how a man and woman should meet, date and when and how to enjoy intimacy was told.

There were over 800 students and 400 parents. That’s what I would call a room full of lives that now have heard the truth straight from God’s heart on these issues.

One of the strongest concepts that stems from Song of Solomon and that Goodie talked about is this: Sex is good, it is Godly, it is right, but it is “Not Now” or “Not Yet” for those who are not married. God is For Sex, He is for Sex between a husband and a wife.

Here is what one person said about the teaching: “”Not right now, but maybe”. You helped me
make my decision last night that I will be waiting until marriage for sex. I want it to be something special. I am so glad that I
attended the conference..”

So, thanks to Hill Country Bible and all the volunteers for your amazing support of God’s Word and Worth The Wait.

By |November 18th, 2009|Hub Thots|1 Comment
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Austin is a Hit

This Sunday night in Austin there will be a 1000 students and parents learning God’s design and plan for love, dating, marriage and sex. That is fantastic.

We have talked to so many parents on the phone these past couple of weeks who have signed up themselves and their teenage kids and most have a similar theme, “I don’t want my kids to have to go through what I have gone through in this area.”

We are so thrilled for the opportunity to begin to shape young minds and to teach young men and women from the beginning of their ‘romantic life’ that this area is God’s – not the worlds!

Most teenagers grow up thinking sex is dirty and maybe fun, that it is free to do with anyone at anytime, and then as they would experiment they begin to feel the pain and scar tissue from this lack of truth.

If you live in the Austin region, don’t miss out. We still have room for you and your students.

Doors open at 5:00 p.m. and the event begins at 5:30 p.m. and ends at 9:00 p.m.

Let Worth the Wait in Austin get the conversation started with you and your kids.

By |November 14th, 2009|Hub Thots, It's Worth the Wait|0 Comments
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Tommy Nelson – Every Marriage Has a Conflict

Conflict – Part 2

No marriage is without conflict. Frankly, a marriage without any conflict would be very boring. There likely would be a lack of deep or meaningful communication.

Such a marriage might as well be a butler married to a maid, each of whom is reluctant to express his or her personality, dreams, desires, goals, or spiritual giftedness.

A truly vibrant marriage is going to be marked by discussion—at times lively. Healthy disagreements arise naturally because both individuals maintain their unique perspectives, ideas, and opinions. Debate is common about which course of action to take, since each person has individual preferences and reasons for holding them.

Discussion, disagreement, and debate, however, do not need to degenerate into a cold war or an ongoing atmosphere of dispute. Discussions should reach a conclusion, disagreements should resolve into agreement, and debates should come to a decisive course of action. Marriages without conflict aren’t healthy and growing.

All married couples, therefore, face the challenge of learning to fight clean and fair, with a positive outcome that is genuinely harmonious, not merely strained and silent.

My Question For You:

Is your relationship characterized by discussions, disagreements, and debates?

My Challenge For You:

Seek to have conclusions to your discussions, agreements out of your disagreements, and a course of action derived from your debates.

These devotionals are from the Song of Solomon series by Tommy Nelson. For more info on that series click here.

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Whether you are at the top of your world, or have just recently heard the worst news of your life, this study will level the playing field.

It can be said that no other study by Tommy Nelson captures the essence of life, nor gives insight into how God taught Tommy to navigate through the toughest part of his journey.

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By |November 11th, 2009|Conflict, Hub Thots|6 Comments
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Tommy Nelson: Are you Pressing for a Victory or Resolution?

Conflict

Back in the early 1980s, my wife, Teresa, and I were in Oklahoma City where I had been invited to conduct a wedding ceremony. The morning after the wedding, I went out for a jog. It was hot and humid, and by the time I finished my run, my t-shirt was soaked with sweat. I came back into our motel room, stripped off my t-shirt, and threw it in a nearby paper bag—which is obviously where I thought such a garment ought to go. My wife reacted instantly without thinking.

She whopped me with her hand on across the middle of my back and said, “Don’t do that!” Bam! I was stunned by her reaction and just as quickly turned and said sharply, “Cut that out!” My harsh words caused tears to well up in her eyes immediately. I felt wronged, and she felt wronged by being yelled at. I didn’t know that she had put a new dress that she was sewing into that paper bag, and she didn’t know that I didn’t know that I didn’t know.

And there we were, just hours after my performing a ceremony of holy matrimony, getting into our car and driving toward Texarkana in angry silence. We drove five hours without a word between us, and then neither of us could stand the silence any longer. We began to communicate about what had really happened and why each had felt wronged. By the time we finally arrived at our destination, we had forgiven each other and were ready to kiss and make up.

All couples fight. Good couples fight clean. Bad couples fight dirty.

Good marital conflict leads to resolution and greater closeness. Bad marital conflict presses for victory, which leads to alienation and the potential for revenge.

Stayed tuned over the next several weeks as we discuss conflict and how to resolve it within your relationship

My Question For You:

What kind of conflict do you have in your relationship? Do you fight clean or dirty?

My Challenge For You:

The next time conflict arises in your relationship, think about whether you are pressing for a victory or for resolution.

By |November 4th, 2009|Conflict, Hub Thots, Song of Solomon, Weekly Devos|2 Comments
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Talking to Our Kids About Sex

Worth The Wait in Tennessee

As a Student Pastor I spent the first ten years giving students the best advice I knew when it came to dating. “The Bible says don’t have sex, so don’t! It mentions fleeing from sexual immorality so I guess that means don’t touch the parts of another’s body that are covered with clothes. Other than that date, kiss and enjoy those great years of junior and senior high relationships!”

Then I eventually saw and had to counsel many of those same students who ended up going too far physically, suffered through broken hearts or lost their own spiritual passion while pursuing their personal romance. Then I discovered the timeless wisdom from the Song of Solomon. It changed my ministry. It changed my parenting. It changed my life!  Who would have ever thought that something written over two thousand years ago could be so relevant for students today?

I love watching the raw scriptures in Song of Solomon challenge students’ thinking and rearrange their perspective when it comes to healthy relationships with the opposite sex. I have used these biblical principles with my own teenage kids.  Although they resisted the ideas at first (my daughter once told her older brother that dad was “trying to brainwash her with that Solomon stuff”), they are realizing God may have a better idea when it comes to dating than their peers do.  Imagine that. 🙂

I can’t wait to see you in Tennessee!

Keith Smith
Worth the Wait

By |October 29th, 2009|Hub Thots, Live Events|0 Comments
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Daniel – Things to Come

Perspective is everything. Every Christian should know their Bible, and perhaps there is no more enticing and controversial topic than that of the End Times and knowing how “it is all going to work out.”

This study of the Book of Daniel is the key to unlocking all other Biblical passages. This is not just about figuring out how it will all end, but it is about finding our place in this journey and how knowing the end gives even more purpose, peace and intensity to living for Today.

Tommy Nelson is one of America’s premier teachers and one of the most gifted communicators in taking “big” pieces of Scripture and helping us understand them. This is the newest release in the Tommy Nelson Bible Study Series.

The study in Daniel will follow the simple, profound and life changing model of all of Tommy’s teaching verse by verse and full of relevant application and inspiring stories.

So, whether you are a long time believer, new Christian, or perhaps you are still seeking to find the truth about God, Heaven and eternal things then Daniel – Things to Come is the study for you, your small group or your Sunday Class study.

To watch some video clips of this series please click here.

Download the First Study Session Free:

To download the first session click here and use the certification code below.

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By |October 29th, 2009|Hub Thots|2 Comments
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Bigger in Texas

“Everything is Big in Texas…”

Having lived in Texas for five years, I can attest to this statement which has become common association with the state of Texas. From its geographic boundaries, to its open skies, the state fair, and the new Cowboy stadium, Texas does everything big. Sunday November 15, 2009 promises to be no exception, as hundreds of teens gather in Austin, at Hill Country Bible Church, for the “Worth the Wait Conference.” The purpose is to engage in a constructive dialogue on the subject of healthy relationships. Our areas of focus will be attraction, dating, courtship, and intimacy.

God’s passions and purposes on the subject of healthy relationships are not new. The Scriptures, in particular the Song of Solomon, have been given to us and they affirm His desire for us to choose faith over fear, character over compromise, and beauty over destructive habits for our lives.

I’m convinced that growing and developing healthy relationships must remain at the center of our nation’s social order. In our time together, we will examine the godly character of two people, whose interactions were noble and true, so much so that God deemed it necessary to record their relationship (in full view) in the most significant book in human history. We are benefactors of their commitment to wait and their trust in God’s way . Their conversations and actions serve as a road map for us.

You may be thinking, but what is Goodie going to say and how is it going to say these things. First, I have two kids and I know how my wife and I would feel if someone carelessly worded or expressed something that was true, but did so in a way that was offensive, crass or lacking compassion.

As a Pastor and author, I have been entrusted to communicate the scriptures and have a sacred trust to present the message in a way that is relevant, honorable, true; and at the same time challenges students and offers grace to those in need (Psalm 130).

I’ve invested over half of my adult life serving young people and families; it’s been an honor to do so. November 15th however, is an investment in the future of our teens, the family unit, our community, and the communal tribe of humanity. It’s nothing short of Big! I hope to see you there.

By |October 28th, 2009|Hub Thots|0 Comments
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What Are You Feeding Your Spouse?

You Become What You Give

A very important aspect of a truly good marriage is that a couple bring out the best in each other, each person being the type of person he or she would also like to be. Your spouse should be one of your heroes!

It is up to a spouse to determine what type of emotional “nourishment” will be given in a marriage. Will you feed your mate unkind words, bitterness or negativity? Or will you feed your mate encouragement, value and genuine compliments? In this case, it is often true that you give what you get. Someone who receives bitterness and negativity will likely express bitterness and negativity to others. Likewise, someone who receives unconditional love and appreciation is likely to give the same to others. – Tommy Nelson Song of Solomon

My Question For You:
What are you feeding your spouse?

My Challenge For You:
If you’re not feeding your spouse encouragement and support, you might try changing your diet!

By |October 20th, 2009|Conflict, Hub Thots, Song of Solomon|10 Comments
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