You Become What You Give
A very important aspect of a truly good marriage is that a couple bring out the best in each other, each person being the type of person he or she would also like to be. Your spouse should be one of your heroes!
It is up to a spouse to determine what type of emotional “nourishment” will be given in a marriage. Will you feed your mate unkind words, bitterness or negativity? Or will you feed your mate encouragement, value and genuine compliments? In this case, it is often true that you give what you get. Someone who receives bitterness and negativity will likely express bitterness and negativity to others. Likewise, someone who receives unconditional love and appreciation is likely to give the same to others. – Tommy Nelson Song of Solomon
My Question For You:
What are you feeding your spouse?
My Challenge For You:
If you’re not feeding your spouse encouragement and support, you might try changing your diet!
Before I leave for work (5:00 AM) I write a little note including a scripture or a few lines of a Hymn as an encouragement and place it in from of the coffee maker, where I know she will see it.
I have begun reading a book called “Created to be his Help Meet” and it has helped me to begin removing the negativity and begin supporting. I am learning more about how necessary it is for a wife to be sold out for her husband in order to encourage him in his endeavors. If as a wife I am negative toward my husband I have the potential to hinder him and not help him.
I tell my husband constantly how grateful I am God has brought us together, especially, in front of the kids or others. I always encourage and uplift him. I find he does the same to me. I also tell him how handsome I think he is and he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am. We have learned to only have eyes for eachother. It’s wonderful. I also send him scripture encouragement via text when he is at work. We will be married 20 years in January. The best is yet to come.
Recently, I have learned that I really need to change my approach towards my husband. I need to be an example to him. That means no more sarcasm, snippy comments, complaining, whining, etc., etc. It is difficult, don’t get me wrong, but I have found that the more positive I dish out, the more he follows suit. Almost like, do onto others as you would like them to do onto you. 🙂 He’s more kind and loving when I treat him in a respectful manner. After all, that is what God commands us to do (Eph 5:33).
Thanks for the great feedback, keep it coming! – Eddie, The Hub Web Admin
Friends, really appreciate your feedback on this one. This hits home for all of us everyday. I love what one of our teachers, Mark Driscoll, says in his SOS presentation. Sometimes we get into the habit of ‘nagging’ a spouse to do more or less of this or that. Mark suggests, why don’t we ‘invite’ rather than nag. That is a great concept. You want more tenderness, more romance, invite your spouse to do something romantic or tender. Lead by example and use the positive power of Invitation rather than the negative energy of Nagging. No one likes a nag, whether at work or at home, so, lets pray and make steps today to be more positive.
I am learning to always be good to my husband, giving him praise, the benefit of the doubt when there is misunderstanding, unconditional love and acceptance, and attentiveness to his needs. He is my hero. He gives me all of the things I listed above, and that is inspiring me to do the same. Loving him is now my goal, not letting my emotions rule our relationship, but letting loving him motivate my actions, no matter how I “feel”. Grace, safety and hope are alive in our marriage!!
I’m happy that mostly women have posted responses, but ultimately it is the men who should be feeding their wives. If we as men do not lead our spouses and families with the integrity and character of Godly example, we are not worthy of, or should expect unconditional love and appreciation. I see this as a point directed at men, not women, and if you study Tommy’s Song of Solomon series, you will find is us as men who are responsible before God to lead and nourish our help mate. If we are doing that as God intended, we will be their hero and they will respond with love, appreciation, respect, and submission. Not to us so much as to the Holy Spirit which dwells within us.
Jeff, I suspect you are a rare minority!
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