Last week we left our discussion with being slow to anger and not reacting like the person who has hurt you so that you resolve your conflict.  Maybe you are saying, “But you said previously, Tommy, that I should not stifle my feelings and that I should express them freely in my marriage.”  That’s absolutely correct, but how and when you express your feelings, and with what underlying motive and attitude, are very important.

Express yourself, yes, but wait until your emotional temperature has cooled.  Be proactive and intentional, not reactive and instinctual, in expressing your feelings.  Wait until the one who has hurt you also has cooled off or is in a good frame of mind to hear what you have to say.  Every person I know can do a better job of keeping a cool head and choosing at all times to respond as Christ would respond.  It’s tough to do, but it’s what we as Christians are called and challenged by God to do.

I know people who have grown up in homes where passive-aggressive behavior was the norm.  That’s behavior in which a person is warm and loving one minute, and the next minute, the person is ice cold or hateful.

Such behavior does not need to occur.  Conflict can be resolved at this very first stage if one of the persons in the relationship will be mature enough to sit back, analyze and pray about the situation, and make a measured response that is loving, kind, and aimed at a greater positive in the future.

My Question For You: When you are responding to your mate during a time of conflict, is it in the heat of the moment, or do you take time to cool off and think about your response?

My Challenge For You: Are you willing to act as God wants you to during times of conflict by showing love, kindness, and seeking to positive resolution?

You can rent or buy the Song of Solomon and other Bible Studies by Tommy Nelson, Mark Driscoll, and Matt Chandler and watch them online starting as low as $4.99 per session.