Continuing from last weeks thoughts, how do they square with my earlier advice that you not let certain things build up inside you until you feel an explosion coming on? Very easily. It is up to you to give weight to a situation or circumstance that you perceive to be a conflict. Some things are not worthy of emotional battles or open conflict. Other things that should be addressed need to be addressed in the right time and place, with the right attitude and goal. It is up to you to decide what really matters. Choose your areas for discussion and conflict resolution wisely.

Maintain your poise and composure when you feel hurt, rejected, or maligned by someone. Choose to take control over your attitude and to control the subsequent discussion of the issue with a tone of quietness and positive communication.

My Question For You: Do you keep your composure when you are wronged by someone or do you react without thinking?

My Challenge For You: Consider your attitude the next time you are in a situation that can turn into a conflict and try to determine if it is really worth it.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Refuse to overreact or to react too quickly to what another person does or says. One person said to me, “My mother had a phrase, ‘let the river roll on for a while.’ We lived near a river, and I knew precisely what she meant. Some things are best left to float right on by because they are issues that are too little to warrant a fight.” You might have heard it said, “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” Same principle. Continue to pursue your relationship and your spouse with love. Don’t make big issues out of little ones. Proverbs 12:16 tells us, “A fool’s wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame.”

My Question For You: Do you react like Solomon did when you are rejected?

My Challenge For You: Can you react to your spouse in a way that “let’s the river roll on for a while” and then follow on in love?

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here

Pastor Mark Driscoll shared from the Bible, his heart, and his experience as a pastor on how God is the creator of our bodies and souls and just how messed up our lives can get when we try and figure out sex and marriage on our own.  If we base our lives on the world’s advice, or anything other than Christ and His Word, true fulfillment in relationships and sex will never be ours.  Sex is good, not gross. Sex is pure in the sight of God and encouraged by his very direct words in Song of Solomon: “Drink friends and imbibe deeply.”

Marriage between one woman and one man is greatness, and it takes a lot of work.  A poignant quote from Pastor Mark to the women: “Single ladies, if he will not work to get you, what makes you think he will work to keep you?”

Most men want the ladies to do all the work, or perhaps the man is willing to work to get her, but then he says, “I got her, now it is back to my career.”

The underlying theme throughout the day can be summed up in these two lines: God is the author and creator of life, sexuality and marriage, not the world, so stop looking to others who are just as flawed as we are.

Secondly, in marriage, be a Servant Lover.  Marriage is based upon unselfishness.  Therefore, in sexuality, in money, in raising kids, in all areas, be a servant.  If you will by God’s strength and power set out to be a servant lover, chances are you will be just as fulfilled as your spouse who you have been faithfully loving and serving.

God is with you in your situation no matter what the cirucumstances look like at this very moment.  There is hope and there is redemption for Los Angeles  and the world.

Express yourself, yes, but wait until your emotional temperature has cooled.  Be proactive and intentional, not reactive and instinctual, in expressing your feelings.  Wait until the one who has hurt you also has cooled off or is in a good frame of mind to hear what you have to say.  Every person I know can do a better job of keeping a cool head and choosing at all times to respond as Christ would respond.  It’s tough to do, but it’s what we as Christians are called and challenged by God to do.

I know people who have grown up in homes where passive-aggressive behavior was the norm.  That’s behavior in which a person is warm and loving one minute, and the next minute, the person is ice cold or hateful.

Such behavior does not need to occur.  Conflict can be resolved at this very first stage if one of the persons in the relationship will be mature enough to sit back, analyze and pray about the situation, and make a measured response that is loving, kind, and aimed at a greater positive in the future.

My Question For You: When you are responding to your mate during a time of conflict, is it in the heat of the moment, or do you take time to cool off and think about your response?

My Challenge For You: Are you willing to act as God wants you to during times of conflict by showing love, kindness, and seeking to positive resolution?

You can rent or buy the Song of Solomon and other Bible Studies by Tommy Nelson, Mark Driscoll, and Matt Chandler and watch them online starting as low as $4.99 per session.

At the end of December, we were discussing how both Solomon and his bride were feeling wronged by a conflict they were having. This is the time when a conflict can most easily be resolved.

How? You can determine that you do not need to react as your mate has reacted. If your mate has hurt you, you do not need to hurt your mate. Whatever your mate has done to you, you do not need to respond in kind. The apostle Paul stated it this way: “See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.” (I Thess. 5:15)

You do not have to reciprocate or mirror what others do to you or say about you. Your mother probably taught this principle to you in the way my mother taught me: “Two wrongs do not make a right.”

Your response is subject to your will. You do not need to be hateful, angry, or cruel to a person who hurts you. You can respond with the love and patience of the Spirit of God rather than the revengeful and impatient spirit of man.

Strife begins at the point when you allow yourself to have hurt feelings and then you choose to nurse that hurt and wallow in it. Proverbs speaks often on this subject:

A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention. (Proverbs 15:18)

More next week on how to work through conflict.

My Question For You:

Is your first response when you are hurt to try and hurt your spouse back or do you respond with love and patience?

My Challenge For You:

Consider the wisdom from Proverbs above and be slow to anger – it will be to your benefit.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

How tough are you? Outside my hotel there was an OUTDOOR concert, a band playing 80’s cover tunes, in that weather. Now, I can tell you that the crowd wasn’t quite Woodstock like, but still, that is what I call hard-core and committed to fun.

On Saturday at the St. Paul River Centre, over 2,000 people came to hear Pastor Mark Driscoll teach about love, marriage, dating and sex. As Mark stated…”in a place where you spend a lot of time indoors, if you are married, or going to get married someday, this is a ‘life skill’ you better get good at, because you are going to have plenty of time.”

The day was amazing, the stories told by attendees were tough, but filled with hope. Our prayer partners prayed with nearly 50-60 people afterward. It was a great conference, it blessed us and we hope it was a blessing to those that attended.

This comment sums it up best and was left on our site just a couple of days ago:

What Mark said about Engedi at the conference in Minneapolis this week really affected us. We have been in a variety of co-sleeping arrangements with our four kids for almost all of our 7 years of marriage. At times it was necessary for us to get any sleep. We have faced huge trials as a couple, most recently surviving cancer (me), losing a baby, and dealing with a life-threatening – and altering – illness in one of our small children. However, Mark’s teaching was the kick in the pants we needed to change our sleep situation. In two days, we have instituted a new sleeping arrangement and routines for everyone in the house, and we have hope – like Doug promised in one of the opening sessions – that God will use our prayerful decision to bless everyone in the house, our kids included.  Thanks for helping us establish Engedi in our home – we already love it!

Here are the 10 reasons I wanted to teach the book of Philippians:

1. How the church began. Acts 16: Lydia is a wealthy Asian (Thyatira); the slave girl is an oppressed Greek, and the jailer was a middle class Roman. All were transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the diversity of that cast.

2. The book teaches that the gospel advances regardless of circumstance (Phil. 1:12-18). In an age where it is not uncommon to hear that you can put God into your debt by behaving, I thought this was extremely important.

3. Paul’s cry “To live is Christ and die is gain!” How could he not say that! Lydia was wealthy, religious, and empty; the slave girl was bitter, oppressed, and angry; and the Roman jailer was indifferent and cruel. All were lost in their lives. What else would you live for?

4. The book clearly teaches humility in the life of a believer. We can’t hear that topic enough (Philippians 2).

5. Paul ferociously outlines the reasons to pursue Christ (Phil. 3:1-11).

6. Then, he follows it up by teaching how to pursue Christ (Phil. 3:12-21).

7. Chapter 4 talks about what the heart and mind of a man of God look like. This is invaluable information as there seems to be some confusion on this matter.

8. Contentment is a gift more precious than jewels (Phil. 4:10-19).

9. It gave me a chance to remind everyone that Philippians 4:13 isn’t about playing sports, making the team, or being successful in business.

10. Because if I can help us be “the lights of this world holding fast to the word of life” I would humbly and gladly spend my life doing so.

Want to watch the Philippians Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

The old proverb, “the best things in life are free” is correct, but somehow our pride, and this culture, tells us we need more.  Bigger house-bigger payment.  Newer car-bigger payment. More toys-bigger payment. Private education-bigger payment. I am not saying that any of these in and of themselves is a bad thing, even God said in John 10:10 “…that he came that we might have life to the full”, but I don’t think he meant full of things.   If you are spending more than you earn, then you are beginning the process of setting a noose for your marriage.

Debt and finances are consistently ranked 1, 2, or 3 at the top of reasons for divorce and divorce first hurts you, then it hurts your kids. What we really want and need is not anything more, bigger, newer, more exclusive, more expensive.  What we need is a fun, lively, honest, secure, laughter-filled relationship.

What your kids need is not newer shoes or the latest gadget.  They need mom and dad enjoying each other, not stressed to the max with debt.

I know this falls into that category of easy to say and hard to live, but don’t most things that make life worth living fall into that category?

So, pray and do what it takes to get out of debt.  I guarantee you the ‘intimacy’ will be better and more often.

God is with You.

I think yes, but then I think of those who don’t know Him yet, and as Tommy Nelson once said, “Aren’t all Christians grateful that Christ did not come back the day before we were saved?”

It is hard to comprehend all of this tragedy. Mark Driscoll travels there and witnesses a teenage boy being shot and killed. My 13 year old daughter is trying to process all this at dinner time last night and she cried for people she has never met. “God, I believe, help my unbelief” is what Christ said through the Apostle Paul.

So, this begs the response, what should I do? What can you do? Generally it comes down to a few basic things:

• Pray.
• Go.
• Give money.

At The Hub, 20% of all online sales through February 1, 2010 will be donated to Haiti.  All monies will be donated to www.churcheshelpingchurches.com To whom much is given, much is required.

God is with Haiti, and their people, even when we don’t understand.

Doug Hudson