This young woman said to me, “When my husband makes a decision or embarks on an activity that I know is wrong, I just say to him, ‘Do what you want. You are under God’s authority, and I trust God to deal with you.’”. That’s called submission with a wallop to it! The truth remains, however. All of us are under the authority of someone, and in the marriage chain of command, a husband is under the authority of God. A wife is wise to trust God to manifest His authority in her husband’s life rather than to attempt to take on that role for herself.

My Question For You: How do you feel about submission?

My Challenge For You: We all have to submit to someone, so be wise when people submit to you or you submit to someone else.

Want to watch the SOS Tommy Nelson Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Solomon did not inflict the pain upon her; it was the “watchmen,” the faithful guardians of God’s people.  If your spouse wrongs you, give God some time to work in your mate’s heart.  Let God have an opportunity to deal with the conscience of your spouse.  Your role is not to have that of the Holy Spirit in your spouse’s life.  My role as a husband is to teach my wife what I know to be true, love her tenderly, care for her, and provide for her all that she needs, but I am not her Savior, her divine Spirit of truth, or her Comforter and Counselor.  Only the Lord can fill those roles.

I have counseled many couples in which either the husband or the wife continually nags the other about what the other does wrong before the Lord.  These beleaguered nagged spouses can’t hear the voice of the Lord because the spouse is talking so loudly!  They feel manipulated, put upon, and downtrodden.  My advice to the nagging spouse is to keep quiet and let God work.  It’s amazing how God moves into a person’s life.  Truly His ways are higher than man’s ways, and His methods are not only very creative but extremely effective!

My Question For You: Has nagging broken in to your relationship?  Are you the nag or are you being nagged?  How do you feel about that?

My Challenge For You: Don’t nag.  It surely won’t help your relationship.  Let the Holy Spirit work.

Want to watch the SOS Tommy Nelson Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

We come to know in our marriages when we have hurt a spouse. There is a look in the eyes, a slumping of the shoulders, a slow walk away, or a spirit of dejection. I know immediately when I have hurt Teresa. Her eyes fill with tears and I know that—regardless of what has been said or done, and regardless of how “right” I might have been in what I did—I must ask her forgiveness first for hurting her. She knows how to read me equally well. And she knows that before she can ever get across her point of view, she is wise to ask forgiveness for hurting me. It is in this spirit of mutual forgiveness and a desire for mutual continuation of our relationship in love that conflicts are genuinely resolved, a torn relationship is mended, and difficulties are turned into paving stones for a stronger foundation.

My Question For You: What are the signs that your spouse displays when you have hurt them? What do you do when you notice them?

My Challenge For You: When you see these signs from your mate, make a conscious effort to seek forgiveness.

Want to watch the SOS Tommy Nelson Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Continuing from last weeks thoughts, how do they square with my earlier advice that you not let certain things build up inside you until you feel an explosion coming on? Very easily. It is up to you to give weight to a situation or circumstance that you perceive to be a conflict. Some things are not worthy of emotional battles or open conflict. Other things that should be addressed need to be addressed in the right time and place, with the right attitude and goal. It is up to you to decide what really matters. Choose your areas for discussion and conflict resolution wisely.

Maintain your poise and composure when you feel hurt, rejected, or maligned by someone. Choose to take control over your attitude and to control the subsequent discussion of the issue with a tone of quietness and positive communication.

My Question For You: Do you keep your composure when you are wronged by someone or do you react without thinking?

My Challenge For You: Consider your attitude the next time you are in a situation that can turn into a conflict and try to determine if it is really worth it.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Refuse to overreact or to react too quickly to what another person does or says. One person said to me, “My mother had a phrase, ‘let the river roll on for a while.’ We lived near a river, and I knew precisely what she meant. Some things are best left to float right on by because they are issues that are too little to warrant a fight.” You might have heard it said, “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” Same principle. Continue to pursue your relationship and your spouse with love. Don’t make big issues out of little ones. Proverbs 12:16 tells us, “A fool’s wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame.”

My Question For You: Do you react like Solomon did when you are rejected?

My Challenge For You: Can you react to your spouse in a way that “let’s the river roll on for a while” and then follow on in love?

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here

Express yourself, yes, but wait until your emotional temperature has cooled.  Be proactive and intentional, not reactive and instinctual, in expressing your feelings.  Wait until the one who has hurt you also has cooled off or is in a good frame of mind to hear what you have to say.  Every person I know can do a better job of keeping a cool head and choosing at all times to respond as Christ would respond.  It’s tough to do, but it’s what we as Christians are called and challenged by God to do.

I know people who have grown up in homes where passive-aggressive behavior was the norm.  That’s behavior in which a person is warm and loving one minute, and the next minute, the person is ice cold or hateful.

Such behavior does not need to occur.  Conflict can be resolved at this very first stage if one of the persons in the relationship will be mature enough to sit back, analyze and pray about the situation, and make a measured response that is loving, kind, and aimed at a greater positive in the future.

My Question For You: When you are responding to your mate during a time of conflict, is it in the heat of the moment, or do you take time to cool off and think about your response?

My Challenge For You: Are you willing to act as God wants you to during times of conflict by showing love, kindness, and seeking to positive resolution?

You can rent or buy the Song of Solomon and other Bible Studies by Tommy Nelson, Mark Driscoll, and Matt Chandler and watch them online starting as low as $4.99 per session.

At the end of December, we were discussing how both Solomon and his bride were feeling wronged by a conflict they were having. This is the time when a conflict can most easily be resolved.

How? You can determine that you do not need to react as your mate has reacted. If your mate has hurt you, you do not need to hurt your mate. Whatever your mate has done to you, you do not need to respond in kind. The apostle Paul stated it this way: “See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.” (I Thess. 5:15)

You do not have to reciprocate or mirror what others do to you or say about you. Your mother probably taught this principle to you in the way my mother taught me: “Two wrongs do not make a right.”

Your response is subject to your will. You do not need to be hateful, angry, or cruel to a person who hurts you. You can respond with the love and patience of the Spirit of God rather than the revengeful and impatient spirit of man.

Strife begins at the point when you allow yourself to have hurt feelings and then you choose to nurse that hurt and wallow in it. Proverbs speaks often on this subject:

A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention. (Proverbs 15:18)

More next week on how to work through conflict.

My Question For You:

Is your first response when you are hurt to try and hurt your spouse back or do you respond with love and patience?

My Challenge For You:

Consider the wisdom from Proverbs above and be slow to anger – it will be to your benefit.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Here are the 10 reasons I wanted to teach the book of Philippians:

1. How the church began. Acts 16: Lydia is a wealthy Asian (Thyatira); the slave girl is an oppressed Greek, and the jailer was a middle class Roman. All were transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the diversity of that cast.

2. The book teaches that the gospel advances regardless of circumstance (Phil. 1:12-18). In an age where it is not uncommon to hear that you can put God into your debt by behaving, I thought this was extremely important.

3. Paul’s cry “To live is Christ and die is gain!” How could he not say that! Lydia was wealthy, religious, and empty; the slave girl was bitter, oppressed, and angry; and the Roman jailer was indifferent and cruel. All were lost in their lives. What else would you live for?

4. The book clearly teaches humility in the life of a believer. We can’t hear that topic enough (Philippians 2).

5. Paul ferociously outlines the reasons to pursue Christ (Phil. 3:1-11).

6. Then, he follows it up by teaching how to pursue Christ (Phil. 3:12-21).

7. Chapter 4 talks about what the heart and mind of a man of God look like. This is invaluable information as there seems to be some confusion on this matter.

8. Contentment is a gift more precious than jewels (Phil. 4:10-19).

9. It gave me a chance to remind everyone that Philippians 4:13 isn’t about playing sports, making the team, or being successful in business.

10. Because if I can help us be “the lights of this world holding fast to the word of life” I would humbly and gladly spend my life doing so.

Want to watch the Philippians Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.