This is where we will categorize our general blog posts.
Pastor Jamie Hart Says Thanks
Here at The Hub we love to give gifts and we love to get feedback. Pastor Jamie Hart took a moment to say thanks before recording some thoughts on the Flip Mino Mini Video Camera that he won during our Flipping for Philippians promotion. We really enjoyed that promotion and we are happy to see that Jamie is enjoying his prize.
Watch his video below:
If you have won and want to share your video, please send them to eddie@gotothehub.com
Merry Christmas!
Who's on First?
In response to Caryn’s question: Caryn and her husband just had their first child and are now struggling with connecting physically, emotionally and spiritually. Her final comment/question is: Is it possible to still be madly in love with your spouse and enjoy being parents?
Caryn, YES! Guess what’s next…WORK.
First things first. I think you need to slow down a bit, step back and let some things simmer down. I have not given birth (surprise) but my wife Carrie has three times. It is wonderful and can be very stressful. Hormones, no sleep, new things, things you don’t know how to work, no sleep, new financial opportunities:), who is going to wake up at 2:45 a.m., no sleep, hormones. A lot of Change!
There is also a ton of sweet sounds, holding a baby on your chest and taking a nap, watching them sleep, letting their little finger wrap around yours, watching their eyes open, emotionally and spiritually connecting with them, taking a nap with your baby on your chest (I know I already said that, but since I said no sleep a lot in the other paragraph, need to say how sweet those naps are). A lot of Goodness.
Caryn, and others, during this time of wonderful, but massive change, we need not to become anxious, paranoid, or rush to judgments about one another. Certainly you and your husband are realizing that if you thought marriage took sacrifice, having a baby is like the ultimate mirror to reflect our selfishness.
“I am tired and I have to get sleep or I can’t do my job at work well.” “Well, I just gave birth to your son (daughter) and I have not slept for days and have this precious little one on my side 24/7 and I need help.” Was it Mark Twain (not sure) that said, ‘this is why God gives children to the young.'”
I would suggest you and your husband find a few quiet minutes and share your honest, heartfelt feelings. Share with him your concern over your body and its changes. Share with him your sense of missing him, your tiredness and energy. Share with him the sense of loss of losing your best friend and the separation you are feeling. Share with him your desire for him and to not lose that intimacy and your willingness to fight for him.
For the husbands out there, intimacy will return. But, this is why it is called intimacy in marriage and not sex, because it requires courage, honesty, sacrifice, commitment. Then, when you each get a bit of rest, you have unselfishly helped each with the responsibilities in the home, and then you come together in intimacy, now you have something worth fighting for! Now that is two souls coming together, and not two bodies.
Caryn, pray for the conversation, offer the results to God (your husband may not respond perfectly to the first conversation) but be kind and wise about your timing, but be direct and courageous.
This is one of the forks in the road where as things get more complicated in marriage, we must fight diligently to “keep falling in love” with the best friend that we chose and God lead us to.
God is with you, be strong!
Mark Driscoll Live in St. Paul and LA in 2010
Don’t miss out on this great opportunity to see Mark Driscoll Live in two cool cities. St. Paul, Minnesota or Los Angeles, California.
The Six Stages of Conflict
The inevitability of conflict is addressed in the Song of Solomon. Nearly two chapters are devoted to a “fight” between Solomon and his bride. The result of the conflict was a deeper and better marriage, and therefore, we are going to take a close look at the six stages of their conflict.
- Stage One: Both Parties Feel Harmed
- Stage Two: A Change of Heart
- Stage Three: Reaching Out to Make Amends
- Stage Four: Communication
- Stage Five: Forgiveness
- Stage Six: Greater Closeness and Joy
We’ll dive into each one of these stages over the coming weeks in order to gain a good understanding of how to handle conflict.
My Question For You: Are you currently experiencing conflict in your relationship? Is it based on a new problem or something that has been lingering?
My Challenge For You: Think about all the important relationships in your life. Is there any current or unresolved conflict that you need to see resolved?
Leave us your feedback below.
I am weak. He is strong.
Friends,
Our dear friend Matt Chandler is in a fight. For those of you who don’t know, here is the link to The Village Church website to get the latest updates.
Matt is a friend and the teacher of our brand new series on Philippians. The title of his series is the epic verse in Philippians, To Live is Christ and to Die is Gain. Clearly a description for the journey Matt is on right now and of course it is the description for everyone of our lives. The one major difference for Matt at this time in his life, is that he is clearly aware of his mortality and as he has said in his own words, “God is sovereign.” For many of us…we still live in the land of ‘life is pretty good and may last forever.’
This is one of the most amazing journey’s I can only imagine and it is evident that God’s truth, love and grace are absolutely sustaining Matt and his family. When you watch this video of him just a day or so before brain surgery and you read his blog post, it is clear that as Matt’s body is weak, Christ is (of course) being made so real and strong. God is giving Matt tremendous courage and He is being made STRONG in Matt.
I am grateful that in Matt’s blog and video there is clear evidence of real/honest/true emotions: tears, fear, questions – but it is even more obvious the trust, belief, hope, confidence in Things Not Seen – but Things That Are Certain.
God, we wish it was not this way, that pain, awful struggle like Matt and his family are experiencing, are ways that we see your overwhelming love, power and peace, but it is clearly evident in Matt’s countenance and words.
God, we join with millions to pray. Please heal Matt. But we agree with Matt that your will be done and that through whatever struggle someone reading this might have, how great or how small, as we are found weak, we will trust you more because in those moments you are made strong.
Matt and Lauren, God is with you.
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Conflict During the Three Phases of Marriage
Conflict Series: Conflict During the Three Stages of Marriage (Part 5)
Conflict usually is minimal during the first stage of a marriage, which is the honeymoon period. Honeymoon literally refers to a “sweet month.” It marks the period from one stage of the moon to the next time that stage of the moon occurs. In a marriage, the honeymoon period is the period of sweetness and kindness between two spouses, a time when all things seem new and fresh and exciting—about thirty days.
The next stage of a marriage, however, is often called the disillusionment period—when illusions about the person you have married disappear. A woman thinks she has married Ozzie Nelson, and he turns out to be Homer Simpson. A man thinks he has married the girl of his dreams and awakens to hard, glaring reality.
After the disillusionment period comes the wonderful and long-enduring phase of commitment, when you discover your mate fully and, at the same time, commit to loving your mate in a biblical manner for the rest of your days.
Both the disillusionment and the commitment phases are going to be marked by conflict, and since they are by far the longer periods of time for a marriage, partners are wise to anticipate these periods prior to their wedding and set their minds and hearts to enduring the disillusionment period in anticipation of the commitment phase. At the same time, refuse to shy away from conflict during your dating, courtship, and engagement periods. Keep your discussions and conversations lively. Don’t “stuff” your emotions in fear that you will damage your relationship. Learn to fight fair.
My Question For You:
What are your expectations about conflict in your dating or marriage relationship? Are you disillusioned or prepared to work through conflict?
My Challenge For You:
Think about the three stages of marriage. If you are married, which one are you in and are you handling conflict correctly? If you are single, are you confronting conflict in your relationships as you date?
Please leave us your thoughts below. Looking for other articles from the Conflict Series? Click Here.
The Kids & Re-Marriage
For a first week of questions you guys really did not waste any time. Of course, when we are experiencing pain, time is of the essence, right!
In thinking about which direction to go in my response, I tried to think about one of the issues brought up that may affect the most people. I just spent some time with family over the Thanksgiving holiday, as I am sure many of you did, which of course is a whole other topic, right? So who is going to give me counsel on that one?
But, here is a point that I know so many people deal with. I am not going to focus on the biblical/theological issues dealing with re-marriage. That is a very lengthy conversation and one that has much disagreement within the Christian church. In fact, if you ask most pastors, they will be hard pressed to put their true beliefs on paper, and many of them will tell you it is not the issue of divorce that is difficult, it is the issue of re-marriage.
But I digress. 🙂 The issue for this response is dealing with the kids from previous marriages. This is extremely difficult whether the kids are young, or if the kids are grown.
I think my primary principle is two-fold. When you choose to re-marry, you have a new husband/wife. The principle in Genesis is that a man should leave his mother and father and the two shall become one flesh. Marriage is a new union of two becoming one. This is why the issue of re-marriage is so difficult, and in my belief another in a very long line of reasons why God intended and designed for one marriage, one husband and one wife. However, even in the issue of the death of a spouse where there is no theological problem related to ‘is it okay to remarry’, the issue of the kids is still very much an issue.
First principle: If God called you into a marriage, then you need to be committed to God first, then to your spouse, then to your family. Now, I know this is very difficult. But, each person did decide to get married, and with that comes ‘opportunities’ to be faithful to God and our commitment. The real issue in many folks situation is that the person we choose to re marry is not submitting themselves to God and therefore they can cause more problems than they should. These are signs that we should look for diligently prior to getting married or re-married.
You will continue to hear me say over and over again, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. But, of course God’s forgiveness is for all of us because we all need the greatest ‘Cure’ of all time, Him. So, any husband or wife dealing with a difficult spouse on any issue, pray diligently for them.
In another blog we posted, Mark Driscoll makes the statement to ‘invite’ your spouse, don’t nag your spouse. I suggest mustering the most patient, kind and courageous attitude, after much prayer, and trying to get an honest dialogue going with your spouse about how you really feel. Not emotional, no ‘angry words’ or ‘tones’, but an honest, calm discussion. No ultimatums, no expectations of immediate relief or change, but an honest dialogue that allows room for God to change both you and your spouse’s heart.
Much of the angst that fills our heart and mind on these issues is that “I just wish I could fix it right away,” it is the sense of being out of control. Well, guess what, we are not in control of anyone, other than ourselves, and the only control we have is to submit to God and live one day at a time.
My second principle is your kids are your kids. It is always a delicate balance and one that takes much time, self-control, brave communication and trust to guide us through this journey. Again, the issues of dealing with the kids in any situation, re-marriage, grandkids, are very present and real.
The balance from kids becoming their own families and the right level of involvement are things that must be worked out together and over time, and they will change over time. Of course in all of our families, we all have dysfunction. Humans are dysfunctional. Our goal should be each day by God’s grace and power, to be brave and continue our own personal growth and asking the Lord to lead us to make better decisions and leave the results to Him.
So, for all of us and our families, let’s make a start today to: Get quiet and Pray, be brave and to have calm and honest discussions, and leave results to God. Some of you have tried this, others have not, but again, we all have to live with decisions we have made and trust an all loving and powerful God to work first in our lives, and then in our spouse or kids or grandkids.
Most importantly, God is with you.
To view all of the posts on the Conflict Series, click here.
Tommy Nelson: Marriage is Worth Some Conflict
Conflict Series – Part IV
One of the strangest verses in the entire Bible must be Proverbs 14:4: “Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; but much increase comes by the strength of an ox.”
This verse means that if you don’t have any oxen, you will obviously have a clean manger or feeding trough. You may be happy to have a clean trough, which doesn’t require any work, but on the other hand, you are likely to be much happier if you have oxen in your stable. Strong oxen enable much work to get done—many acres plowed, cultivated, and harvested. Strong oxen lead to a great increase in the field. You will probably desire to have a “dirty” trough and its related work because the presence of oxen means more prosperity down the line.
The same principle holds true for a marriage. If you aren’t married, you may very well have less conflict in your life. But if you want the deep joys of having a spouse and children, you will gladly endure conflict as part of the price for having a family.
My Question For You:
Is your relationship a clean or dirty trough?
My Challenge For You:
Be willing to put the effort into your relationship so that it will be strengthened through the resolving of conflict.
Please share your thoughts with us below.
Tuesday's with Doug – Conflict Denied
Starting this week we are going to start responding to your comments and questions on our most recent devotional. The most recent was Conflict Denied and if you missed it or the comments, check it out here.
From Doug Hudson…
Let me first say to Mardy, wow, thanks much for the kind words. Are you sure it was me you were referring to? Your Christmas gift is in the mail:))
But, I also wanted to thank everyone for the great discussion about conflict. One topic that came up yesterday over coffee with a friend about this exact subject. He asked, ‘how do I handle when I have been offended by my wife.’ A very legit and good question.
My repsonse may be not what you are expecting. There are times when we are legitmately offended by our spouse. But, as believers that should be pretty rare in our marriage.
What I see most often, is one of the spouses being too defensive. I first see this mostly in men. You know that fragile male ego joke we have all heard about…well unfortunately I think it is kind of true:(
Many times what we need is a good dose of laughing at ourselves and not taking ourselves too seriously. Many conflicts stem from ‘I feel offended’ so then I react like that and then we spiral into a good ole fashion fight where things are said and hurtful things are brought back up.
So, of course there is real offense. In these cases, approach with kindness, respect but get to the point quickly and concisely. Be direct and kind about each other’s feelings.
But, too many of us, yeah, unfortunately, me included, I just need to relax a bit, laugh at myself when being teased, and not take myself so seriously.
Life is short, God is good, and there is much to do and enjoy for Christ’s sake.
God is with you.
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