“He is altogether lovely.  He is everything I want in a husband.”

God truly changed her heart, as her husband was kind in the face of wrong.  In the light of her newly awakened awareness of all the good qualities in her husband, she had a strong desire to be the wife he longed to have.

The woman is a fine example of what God does in transforming a person’s attitude.  First, she begins to see things in a new light.  She begins to see the good that has escaped her before.  She sees her mate as God sees her mate!  When that happens, compassion rises in her heart.  And in the wake of compassion, she feels a desire for renewed intimacy and closeness of communication.

My Question For You: Do you look at your mate through God’s eyes or through your own.

My Challenge For You: The next time you are working through conflict with your spouse, change the way you view your spouse and see how that changes things.

Want to watch the SOS Tommy Nelson Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

• He was pure in his motives and behaviors toward her.  Repeatedly she referred to him as white, including white as ivory and white as marble.
• He was extremely handsome—more handsome even than ten-thousand other men combined.
• His head (in this case his mind) was filled with wisdom more valuable than gold.
• He was respected even though he was youthful.  His hair was black, with no evidence of the weakness of age.  Sin is often pictured in the Bible as the weakness of aging. (see Hosea 7:9.)
• He was gentle; his eyes were soft and tender toward her.
• He was sober.  The whites of his eyes were white, not reddened by alcohol or debauched living.
• He had a steadfast gaze and clear outlook toward her.  His eyes were “fitly set,” which means they were wide open and focused on her.  He saw her, and her alone, among all other women.  It is also a reference to the fact that Solomon did not have a shifty look in his eyes; his eyes did not narrow in anger or mistrust, they never openly flared in anger, and they were never bored into dullness.  They were eyes of immutable kindness and unchanging blessing toward her.
• He was compassionate toward her.  When he held her in his arms, cheek to cheek, there was a sweetness in his expression of love.  When he kissed her, he did so tenderly and sweetly.  He dealt with her in a forgiving, tender, romantic, and loving way at all times.

We’ll cover some more next week.

My Question For You:

Which of the qualities described above do you display to your spouse?

My Challenge For You:

Pick one of the qualities listed above that you need to work on and make an effort to exhibit to your spouse.

Want to watch the SOS Tommy Nelson Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

We come to know in our marriages when we have hurt a spouse. There is a look in the eyes, a slumping of the shoulders, a slow walk away, or a spirit of dejection. I know immediately when I have hurt Teresa. Her eyes fill with tears and I know that—regardless of what has been said or done, and regardless of how “right” I might have been in what I did—I must ask her forgiveness first for hurting her. She knows how to read me equally well. And she knows that before she can ever get across her point of view, she is wise to ask forgiveness for hurting me. It is in this spirit of mutual forgiveness and a desire for mutual continuation of our relationship in love that conflicts are genuinely resolved, a torn relationship is mended, and difficulties are turned into paving stones for a stronger foundation.

My Question For You: What are the signs that your spouse displays when you have hurt them? What do you do when you notice them?

My Challenge For You: When you see these signs from your mate, make a conscious effort to seek forgiveness.

Want to watch the SOS Tommy Nelson Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands…Do not let your adornment be merely outward…rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God…Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.  Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another.

Peter encouraged wives and husbands to deal with each other graciously and tenderly.  A wife is to bear a gentle and quiet spirit in her discussions with her husband.  A husband is to approach his wife as if she is as delicate as a china cup—which is what it means to regard a wife as a “weaker” vessel—recognizing that his bombastic tone and mannerisms can cause his wife to shrivel inside and to feel demeaned.  Don’t hurt each other, Peter said.  Have compassion for each other, and seek to have one mind—in other words, love each other until you reach a common point of agreement.

My Question For You: Husbands, do you treat your wife as a delicate china cup or do your actions cause her to feel demeaned?

My Challenge For You: Have compassion for your spouse when you are in a disagreement—it will serve you well.

Continuing from last weeks thoughts, how do they square with my earlier advice that you not let certain things build up inside you until you feel an explosion coming on? Very easily. It is up to you to give weight to a situation or circumstance that you perceive to be a conflict. Some things are not worthy of emotional battles or open conflict. Other things that should be addressed need to be addressed in the right time and place, with the right attitude and goal. It is up to you to decide what really matters. Choose your areas for discussion and conflict resolution wisely.

Maintain your poise and composure when you feel hurt, rejected, or maligned by someone. Choose to take control over your attitude and to control the subsequent discussion of the issue with a tone of quietness and positive communication.

My Question For You: Do you keep your composure when you are wronged by someone or do you react without thinking?

My Challenge For You: Consider your attitude the next time you are in a situation that can turn into a conflict and try to determine if it is really worth it.

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here.

Refuse to overreact or to react too quickly to what another person does or says. One person said to me, “My mother had a phrase, ‘let the river roll on for a while.’ We lived near a river, and I knew precisely what she meant. Some things are best left to float right on by because they are issues that are too little to warrant a fight.” You might have heard it said, “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” Same principle. Continue to pursue your relationship and your spouse with love. Don’t make big issues out of little ones. Proverbs 12:16 tells us, “A fool’s wrath is known at once, but a prudent man covers shame.”

My Question For You: Do you react like Solomon did when you are rejected?

My Challenge For You: Can you react to your spouse in a way that “let’s the river roll on for a while” and then follow on in love?

Want to watch the SOS Classic Study? You can buy the DVD Series here or Rent one Session at a Time here

The old proverb, “the best things in life are free” is correct, but somehow our pride, and this culture, tells us we need more.  Bigger house-bigger payment.  Newer car-bigger payment. More toys-bigger payment. Private education-bigger payment. I am not saying that any of these in and of themselves is a bad thing, even God said in John 10:10 “…that he came that we might have life to the full”, but I don’t think he meant full of things.   If you are spending more than you earn, then you are beginning the process of setting a noose for your marriage.

Debt and finances are consistently ranked 1, 2, or 3 at the top of reasons for divorce and divorce first hurts you, then it hurts your kids. What we really want and need is not anything more, bigger, newer, more exclusive, more expensive.  What we need is a fun, lively, honest, secure, laughter-filled relationship.

What your kids need is not newer shoes or the latest gadget.  They need mom and dad enjoying each other, not stressed to the max with debt.

I know this falls into that category of easy to say and hard to live, but don’t most things that make life worth living fall into that category?

So, pray and do what it takes to get out of debt.  I guarantee you the ‘intimacy’ will be better and more often.

God is with You.

Singles, Married and people who are Married with Children and want to learn how to talk to their children about sex should listen to Mark Driscoll’s Song of Solomon message.

“Marriage is for our happiness and our holiness.” – Mark Driscoll

Listen to the message for some great information and at the beginning of the podcast find out how to win a free trip to see Mark Driscoll in Minnesota.