Conflict – Part 2
No marriage is without conflict. Frankly, a marriage without any conflict would be very boring. There likely would be a lack of deep or meaningful communication.
Such a marriage might as well be a butler married to a maid, each of whom is reluctant to express his or her personality, dreams, desires, goals, or spiritual giftedness.
A truly vibrant marriage is going to be marked by discussion—at times lively. Healthy disagreements arise naturally because both individuals maintain their unique perspectives, ideas, and opinions. Debate is common about which course of action to take, since each person has individual preferences and reasons for holding them.
Discussion, disagreement, and debate, however, do not need to degenerate into a cold war or an ongoing atmosphere of dispute. Discussions should reach a conclusion, disagreements should resolve into agreement, and debates should come to a decisive course of action. Marriages without conflict aren’t healthy and growing.
All married couples, therefore, face the challenge of learning to fight clean and fair, with a positive outcome that is genuinely harmonious, not merely strained and silent.
My Question For You:
Is your relationship characterized by discussions, disagreements, and debates?
My Challenge For You:
Seek to have conclusions to your discussions, agreements out of your disagreements, and a course of action derived from your debates.
These devotionals are from the Song of Solomon series by Tommy Nelson. For more info on that series click here.
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I love reading the emails you send. Could you include a short prayer about the topic at the end?
I remember receiving these devotionals a few years back then they stopped. Thank you for starting up again, they’re very insightful and being recently married very helpful!!!
GOD BLESS YOU!!!
Some of the things building solutions in marital challenges include:
Listening and showing you understand by telling them what you heard
Recognizing our real interest and not always our fixed position
Seeking how we can both win together
Learning to yield and even submit
Sometimes compromising
Seeking help if need be
Learning to confront the right way
Learning to ask for forgiveness the right way
Learning to forgive the right way
Your kids need to see conflict resolution modeled out in their parents. Think of the consequences of a conflict and they aren’t worth the fight.
Tony and Dan, I agree with your comments completely. Tony, you have given some great practical tools for folks. Dan, a major phrase in our marriage and perspective is, Life is Caught not Taught. So, a key in raising kids who understand how to treat a man or woman, is the way we treat our spouses, the way to teach our kids how to handle conflict is to handle it well in the marriage. Actions speak much louder than words, and our kids are sponges watching and acting out much of what they see at home. More on this on another blog/devo soon.
As a single woman, one of the biggest issues I have with single men is they think that a relationship should not have conflict. I tell them that is ridiculous. A lot of men today are scared to death of conflict. Too many of them lack a backbone. Which is one reason I am still single 11 years after my divorce. Men do not understand when I try to explain that to them. But that is ok. I will remain single until I feel God is leading me to marry.